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26 entries this month
13:24 Dec 31 2011
Times Read: 983
Having had my LOL's for the day I am off to see to the actual important business of my life at the moment.
In case I should fail to return before December 31 becomes January 1 have a safe and Happy New Year celebration.
15:35 Dec 30 2011
Times Read: 985
What if anything does family mean to me?
They are the people I lived with as a child. They taught me obedience, cruelty and addiction. In the same way that they taught me those they also taught me compassion, self-preservation, understanding, independence.
I am connected to them by my genetics but does that mean I must remain loyal. Does it mean that they can use me and walk on me and I have to put up with it.
My children know that I did not love them immediately upon their births. In fact I took great pains in the first year to distance myself emotionally. My obligation to the lives I brought forth from myself is what drove me to act responsibly. I do not have a great compassion for alcoholics and drug addicts who lose their children.
My children know that my affection for them grew of my getting to know them as people as they grew. I did not shape them as much as I let their personalities evolve and I asked them often "why".
For what purpose do you hit? Why do you lie when you could tell the truth?
I continued my observation of human behavior through them, with them. I can say that I still don't understand emotions or why people think in the ways that they do but it is easier to fake it. I prefer reason over emotion.
Before I moved here I didn't speak to my sister at all. My brother was little more than a large child; he still is actually. My mother only associated with me if she had something to gain from it. She is still that way. My father wanted my love and my sympathy. He has never hidden that from me and for his sake I can fake it.
This year amid all of the Christmas excitement I confessed quite publicly that Christmas would be nonexistent in my home. We manage to get by without the help of any organizations. We scrape, we sacrifice and we do without. Christmas is not an essential, it is a day.
Knowing this, you would think that my blood relations would feel some small amount of compassion for my children who were being left out of the falderal. This was not the case.
A friend sent us money for tires. My husbands mother bought shoes for my son and a CD for my daughter(it was what she wanted). In those three things my Christmas wishes were answered.
My brother works for Nike, my mother for Sears and my sister for Walmart. My sister was the only one who sent anything.
Those people would really just let me rot. Except for my sister. She saw the opportunity to one up me and took it. I guarantee I will never live down that small package.
I am sorry, what is family again?
05:59 Dec 30 2011
Times Read: 1,000
Went to the forum and almost died of boredom. Almost. But I exaggerate. I did almost fall asleep though.
Nothing changes.
05:28 Dec 30 2011
Times Read: 1,010
I could smell the alcohol when I looked at the profile.
00:06 Dec 30 2011
Times Read: 1,014
Learn to read.
I don't care.
I have issues with puppets.
21:08 Dec 29 2011
Times Read: 1,016
I don't know what I should do.
Do I make coffee or drink water?
Make a snack, take a nap, play xbox or vacuum?
I am kind of sleepy or maybe I am lazy.
It could be boredom.
Oh maybe I'm depressed.
At least I managed to waste precious seconds writing this.
17:18 Dec 29 2011
Times Read: 1,023
Why?
22:05 Dec 28 2011
Times Read: 1,026
Scored! I found a browser that will keep my ancient Mac working!
13:03 Dec 28 2011
Times Read: 1,045
It looks like my Apple is not long for this world.(yeah I mean dying)
At the moment if I am patient then I can still urge it to work but I need to find a browser that is still compatible with it's system. I can't update the players anymore and this little box is slowing down.
At $30 we got what we paid for.
14:09 Dec 27 2011
Times Read: 1,053
I had an interesting experience last night. My husband has pointed out that so far Christmas week has been strange. An invite to Christmas next year with his ex. Approval and understanding from his step-dad. Of course all of the weirdness that comes of living in a house full of felines.
Then there was last night. I was laying on the bed with the new Siamese mix we have adopted. I was feeling really lousy and waiting for my pain meds to kick in when we heard a crash outside. My husband stepped out the front door and then came back in yelling that it looked like someone was upside down in the street. So I put on my shoes and a coat and out I went to see if I could help.
By the time I got there I could hear and see two people. A man and a woman, I asked if a phone was needed and was told that police had already been called. The woman had been speeding down the road, blown a tire and went right through the fence of a seemingly abandoned property that is owned and used as storage by a wealthy cattle owner up the road. The lady was clearly high on something. She told us that she was wanted by the State Troopers and they had crashed her vehicle, then told us the police would shoot her though not in front of me. For the next hour and a half we listened to her rant about being the devil and all of the issues surrounding that and that people were going to kill her.
The owners of the fence came down to see what was a what. They are a lovely older couple. The men talked amongst themselves while us women and "the devil" chatted. At one point "the devil" asked me for a light and I apologized but I quit smoking in September. She told me that she had tried but the devil made her smoke as surely as he made her crash her vehicle. I said no.
In all reality I do not believe in the devil at all but for this woman's sake I spoke plainly. I told her that the devil cannot make anyone do anything against their will. I quit smoking by telling myself that no matter how angry, depressed or stressed I got no cigarette, alcohol or drug was the going to see me through. She seemed to be listening so I continued. I have lived in many places and situations just so that I could learn about people and learn real empathy and compassion; also to learn when it is not warranted. I am nobody's fool.
I have seen the best from the worst sorts of people and the worst from the best sorts. I have yet to walk through "hell". That grace has been reserved for anyone who has been any combat or disaster situation.
We all stood about until Highway patrol finally showed up. Afterward visiting a bit and finally returning to our homes.
As I thought about it this morning, I could have been mean to that poor woman but to what end? I don't know her life. Instead I offered her a seed.
I was raised to believe that if you meet a beggar on the street do not give them money; give them food or a blanket. If they would prefer money; take them home and put them to work.
This woman needed something last night and I gave what I could while I stood next to the country road that passes my house.
07:02 Dec 15 2011
Times Read: 1,063
It is not always a case of me not giving a crap. Sometimes I give it quite freely. It is just that at this point in time and after all that has happened I can't bring myself to quite care.
15:07 Dec 10 2011
Times Read: 1,069
This morning I woke to find myself covered in animals all of them looking upon me with hope. I guess they were hungry. My son rescued me just as my daughter's cat Sally was about to attack my toes. I don't know if it is the inbreeding or what but that animal is crazy and a fierce predator. Smart as a whip too my poor tootsies would have had no escape. My son opened his bedroom door and they all turned their attention to him.
I got up and headed for the bathroom(their food is in the tub which is the one place the dogs won't get it and the cats can't knock it to the floor. Not to worry the tub is more or less decorative as the hot water knob is on strike and lets face it; showers are quicker.)
I heard it before I saw it. The trampedic sound of miniature feet as 5 furry bullets whizzed past my feet in order to take their positions around the tub. Ugh, the litter-box. It has to be done first.
So on with the shoes, I grabbed the litter-box and out the backdoor I went. Striker the collie ahead of me out the door and Bob the cat right behind me. Bob has lived indoors all of his life(he was born in June)I have recently introduced him to the wonders of playing outside. This morning looked pretty nice to him but as he stood in the precipice between indoors and out he was filled with an apprehension. His inner struggle was drawing an audience of creatures who should not be going out the door unattended(or at all)so he got the gentle nudge from behind and the door closed behind him. I walked down the steps and to my compost, amused because I knew what was going through his head,'COLD!'. I tried unsuccessfully to carry Bob ad the litter-box into the house and while I added fresh cedar to the pan it was my son who rescued poor Bob who much like a small child enjoys the wonder of the outdoors when he has a mommy or daddy with him but finds it frightening in the cold world alone.
02:59 Dec 10 2011
Times Read: 1,076
I hate the new Fright Night pop up ad as much as I hate that they remade it.
12:47 Dec 09 2011
Times Read: 1,093
I love my cats.
They just ripped my bedroom curtains down.
Again.
Rod, brackets, everything.
I love my cats.
Without them I would not be forced to make home improvements like reinforcing the wall above and around the window.
04:51 Dec 09 2011
Times Read: 1,103
Occasionally I can feel really good about arguing with or bashing someone on the internet. It felt so good. People don't know, I really am a turn the other cheek kind of person, not even that though. I am the person smiling pleasantly at the foamy mouthed angry person. Not out of malice, ok maybe a little malice. It also feels good to rile someone up and then continuously bait them online, shoot I do that in real life. I am kind of a bitch.
Yesterday I noticed a domestic issue with a friend and her adult daughter. I roll my eyes at her decision to associate with this reminder that the condom broke. The young woman is violent and unstable. Her typing is the sort that would make her a feast to the grammar Nazi's of VR. No self respect at all. Yesterday during the cyberbrawl I took a peek at her profile. We aren't friends but I could see everything. It hurt but I sat on my hands, that is to say kept my cyber trap shut.
This morning however was another day. My friend posted something profound, I came back with a funny. We vollied it back and forth and then...
brat girl showed up and out of nowhere started flipping accusations that we were talking about her. Seeing that this chick was clearly off her meds I thought hard, typed and then backspaced several times actually. Then I got the message,"Go get her girl!"
HOO HOO!!! I did.
04:31 Dec 06 2011
Times Read: 1,109
My sister has not done anything for either of my kids for Christmas since about 2000. Tonight she calls up wanting to know what to get my son. I told her that he wants fingerless gloves, because his hands get cold. She tried making nice but it was uncomfortable, she made noises about wanting us to come out to Washington for Thanksgiving next year. Uh, $2000 for dinner? and I have to put up with family? Forget it.
17:50 Dec 05 2011
Times Read: 1,113
Last year with his birthday money my husband ordered a Miku Hatsune doll from a company that was donating $20 from the purchase of the dolls to the Tsunami relief fund in Japan. She arrived today!
Or rather she arrived Saturday but my letter carrier had the day off and mail was delivered by her incompetent sub.
I have to say that this woman is fantastic. We live in a rural community of about 3000 people(according to census. probably around 1200-1500 home delivery area)and she is one of 3 delivery drivers. She actually took the time to get to know us and when she sorts our mail it is never misdelivered.
On Saturday the sub did not even attempt to deliver the package to our home but entered into the system that we had been notified to come and pick it up. We hadn't been but it showed up on tracking so up early this morning to go get his dolly :)
I checked the mail and in amidst the Netflix(Black Cat Vol.1), power bill and junk was a note of apology because she had taken Saturday off and the package wasn't delivered. Dang it!
I need another cookie tin so I can make treats for her and the kids again. She is so sweet.
04:34 Dec 05 2011
Times Read: 1,121
Uneventful Sunday. Slept in. Woke to learn that the power had been out for a short time. Coffee, kitties, doggies, breakfast, dishes.
Phone call from my daughter around noon that she would be at our little town's Christmas parade; 5 minutes later she called and said she wouldn't be there. No ride.
For about 15 minutes my husband grumbled and fussed about the parade until I told him that I didn't want to go unless I had batteries for the camera. That settled I washed, gutted, steamed, skinned and smashed 3 pie pumpkins that I had gotten at the store for $1 each. Tomorrow I will finish with that mess. Make a couple of pies and roast the seeds(minus 12).
After dinner got a call from a gal friend that she would be sending us money to buy tires for our car on the 16th. I thanked her so much because we do need the help and she is a dear. He can borrow a vehicle until then. The tires are so bad I think we are risking our safety every time we leave here.
Ended the evening with 5 episodes of Queen Blade. Very interesting borderline Hentai but not quite.
03:33 Dec 04 2011
Times Read: 1,135
The dogs were sitting so perfectly until he gave in and let them have the rest of his peanut butter sandwich.
00:14 Dec 04 2011
Times Read: 1,145
It took some time but I just talked my first really mentally unstable person online. It wasn't on VR. It was on fb. I comment on the status of one of my kid's friends. The youngster I commented to messages me to text her, sends me a friend request, then gets upset when I call her a kid. After I tell her "sorry, all I could see from your profile was that you go to school with my kids" she goes off like I messaged her.
Wow.
16:03 Dec 03 2011
Times Read: 1,162
Arguing with idiots on the internet is the best way to start the morning!
03:20 Dec 03 2011
Times Read: 1,175
I made my first Calzones today. They turned out very well and I am so proud of myself.
13:44 Dec 02 2011
Times Read: 1,183
I haven't written a journal entry yet today...
Now I have.
22:36 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 1,186
It is one of those days. My zeal has departed it would seem or if you rather my earnest desire to enjoy anything around me or at my fingertips seems to have fled. It was here yesterday. That I do know and this morning I seem to remember a fleeting correspondence with it about whether it should stay or go. At some point while I was not looking it just left.
12:43 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 1,203
My brain does not even work well enough yet this morning to navigate VR.
03:47 Dec 01 2011
Times Read: 1,009
Watching Moon Phase again but darn it, the series is so cute!
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